My childhood was the same as most children growing up, we went to school and were told to obey the rules. When we didn’t we were punished for it. We were constantly told that we had to find out what we were going to be (career wise) when we left and show how we were going to achieve it.
I was guided by many teachers positively and also negatively, of course I chose to accept the negative moments over the positive ones (a normal habit of a teenager).The truth was, that at a time where voices were constantly telling you that you needed to choose what you wanted to be was a massive strain on me, why? Because I had absolutely no idea! So does that mean I wasn’t really good at anything? The horrible thing about all of this is that I was actually really good at most things. But I didn’t really have that one niche that I wanted to do constantly forever. My specialty was the arts, I loved drawing, painting, singing, dancing, music and my most creative outlet was my writing.
I felt that I never ever committed to anything long enough to substantially make me an expert in the future. I dropped out of music after level two because I received an 85% result instead of a 100% result on my theory exam (it wasn’t perfect! I had failed).I stopped writing after two stories I entered were not published (failure). I stopped drawing because artists just can’t make money in the real world (as I was told). There was a wonderful teacher at my school who told me that I would also make a great teacher, but because the points I received on my year twelve certificate was not quite enough I gave up on that idea also (fail). If I did not succeed the first time then I believed that I was a failure, and I quit.
So if I believed that I was a failure, did that make me one?
Sorry to say but after all these years I have finally released that the answer to that question is a very big YES!!!!!
Why does believing that I was a failure actually make me one? Simple really and it only took forty years for me to learn the most truest universal rule that was ever created.
You are what you believe!
Yep! It hit hard realising that I was the one who had been sabotaging everything about my career, you see I had succeeded in other areas of my life but condemned myself for not having a career label. My friends and family members were becoming teachers, bakers, electricians and although I had become certified in retail and had obtained a management role in ladies fashion, it was not the label I was looking for.
I learned the hard way that I was constantly pulling myself down and telling myself that I wasn’t good enough, believing that all the things I loved doing were not of a high enough standard that deserved to earn an income in the real world. But who were they not good enough for? me? you? society? I don’t even think I can answer this question. To be honest I think the pure fear of failing on a higher level would have crushed my ego to such a point that I was afraid to even try. And if I REALLY went out there and tried and failed miserably then I would no longer have a dream to hold onto. I would no longer have purpose. So it was easier to trick myself into believing that I HAD tried and failed (mildly) and that I had a good reason to give up knowing that I still had a dream that could one day come true (I know crazy, right?).
I also think the fear of actually succeeding can freak any normal human being out (I mean what happens if I am successful, I’m not an out there kind of person). Maybe that was it! The fear of BEING successful was why I was failing, was I scared of my own light?
What I want you to understand is that now I realise that no one can tell me who I am or what I love to do, only each individual knows the answer to that question deep within their heart. You don’t have to be good at one thing forever, enjoy what you love doing and just do that, whether it’s painting, singing, cooking, being a plumber….well anything and everything! Learn new things if you want to. I look back now and I understand that failure never really existed, it was just my perception of what I believed it meant to me. Now I believe that I am talented, and that I can do all things that I love to do because in my heart that is what I am guided to do. That is what I am meant to do.
My service to you today is to let you know that failure does not exist and it never has, all of our choices and experiences are the backbone of our journey. Our amazing life! We create results which are either what we want or what we don’t want…….so instead of making up excuses when we don’t get the results we want (used to think this was failure!!) go out there and change the game and create another result. I dare you!
Be true to yourself knowing you can never fail again.